Success Guilt : The Guilt of Having What We Wanted

 Success Guilt : The Guilt of Having What We Wanted 

Why will one feel the guilt of having what he himself wanted in the first place?

Yes, we wanted it, but the irony is that “we do feel the guilt”. Even if we spend our whole life chasing after success. A healthy relationship, a dream job, financial security, whatever it is — we work really hard and, finally, one day we achieve it. But still we don't feel that pure happiness, instead a strange feeling of guilt. 

Do I even deserve this?

Did I do enough to achieve this?

What if I'm taking someone else's place? 

What if it changes me?

If you've ever felt this way, don't worry as you're not alone. Guilt after success in what we wanted first is completely normal, but why do we feel this way? And how do we overcome it?

Why do we feel this way?

This guilt comes from internal conflict between what you desire and your sense of fairness. When we achieve something, a thought of others comes to our mind:

What if he worked harder than me?

What if my luck made me win?

What if he needed that win?

What if…?

Psychologists also have a say in this — according to them, this success guilt is a feeling that makes us question if we genuinely deserve our achievement. Instead of focusing on our victory, we keep on worrying about what it meant to them.

But let's be honest — we also deserved that success. Feeling guilty does not mean that you did something wrong. It means that you care, and it's a very healthy trait that should be embraced but in a positive way. 

Common Causes Of Success Guilt

1) Comparing ourselves to others 

It's completely normal to look around and think of others as superior to us. But it only happens when we are in a healthy relationship with such comparison. What we do is that we look at others and think they deserve more. If we had a struggling past, and now we are getting everything, we may take it as unfair. 

But here's the thing, there will always be someone who has more and someone who has less. It's life, and we can't do anything about this, but what we can do is to appreciate what we have got. Take it this way — you struggled in the past, and now you are getting the fruits.

Comparison is a trap. If we find someone superior to us, take it as motivation to do better in life. Replace guilt with gratitude.

2) They worked harder than us.

Another guilt that we all develop and it's painful. It feels like you have taken something that was never meant for you but them and that leads to constant questioning-

Am I really taking their rights in my hands?

Did I really deserve it more than them?

We may be right, it's possible that they worked harder than us and we won. So, does that mean you didn't deserve it? Of course not, you also worked hard, and you should be proud of yourself. 

3) When luck feels unfair

Let's be honest, with effort alone, you cannot succeed. We also need luck by our side. But the help of luck always sounds unfair, doesn't it?

If we haven't done anything for luck to be on our side, then why did it happen?

Why do we have to use luck in order to win?

If luck wasn't there, who would've won?

Sometimes, something happens just because we are at the right place at the right time. And if we knew someone who worked hard for that success which we had, it would not let us sleep. It can feel like we are eating someone else's place at the table.

But here's the thing, the result is never in our hands. Luck, timing and situations also play a role, and we cannot do anything. Think about it this way — what will I do with this opportunity that I've been given.

Remember, one's success never blocks another's. Taking that opportunity is just like taking water from an ocean.

The Right Mindset 

Embrace your success. It's not about guilt but how it controls us.

Being successful is not being selfish. Growing is not betraying. And happiness is not something you need to be sorry for.

Let's take an example of a tree— what if the tree also felt guilty of outgrowing other trees? What if, out of guilt, it stopped growing? It wouldn't bloom. There wouldn't be enough shadow to rest under. But the tree never compares itself— it just grows, naturally and unapologetically.

Whenever guilt hits you, remind yourself that you aren't taking anyone else's place but your's. Success is about contribution and not comparison.

Spiritual Take

The whole Bhagavad Gita is about this only, i.e. not to focus on the result but on our actions. 

You have the right to work, but never to the fruits of work. Let not the fruits of action be your motive, nor let your attachment be to inaction. — Bhagavad Gita 2.47

Your journey is your own. Honor it.

Final take

You wanted it.

You worked for it.

You got it.

You deserved it. 

There's no shame in that.

Stop fearing and start growing. Stop being guilty and start showing gratitude. Instead of procrastinating, take action and own your success.

If the universe wanted you to be guilty of your success, then it would've never given that success to you. You have achieved success. Embrace it.